«But
I am not sure about dwelling too much on discussing what we feel. It
is too complex a subject that might lead only to disappointment.»
During
my visit you half-jokingly questioned whether I really knew you at
all, as a result of me not knowing your favorite colour, and that I
couldn't possibly know all of you, since I hadn't been able to be
with you over a longer period of time before.
That
has stuck in my mind, and my thoughts keep circling... «Is she
right? Do I really know her as well as I imagine? Do I even know her
better than her newly found uni friends? Yes, for sure, I know stuff
about her that she would never tell those people. She and I go way
back, she tells me more than anyone else. I need to be the closest to
her. What does she and M discuss when they sit talking on her bed for
hours several times a week... does she lay out her heart for him? How
close is he really? The only thing I know she never discusses is me.
And there I am. The part of her life that cannot be shared with
others. Is that a good thing – maybe I am too precious and private
for her to share with anyone else – or is she hiding me for other
purposes...»
What
do we feel? I am in love. Are you in love? I think you are, maybe...
Well, you're something. Now I'm making it sound trivial, but don't get me wrong. You're my closest one, and I love you.
My
idea for this thing came from the desire to know you as well and
in-depth as possible. I thought this would enable me to see into the
landscape of your persona that you wouldn't normally share. I want to
know everything there is about the person that I love; all
perceptions, all opinions, all thoughts. So keep going.
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